How to deal and control anger in relationships and marriage
What do we understand by Anger?
Anger is a feeling, a natural emotion, a human response to your safety, well-being, and happiness.
Every human experiences anger, with some people more intensely and frequently than others.
So, How do we deal and control Anger in relationships and marriage?
Though anger is one of the most common
emotions known to the human race,
few people are skilled at reacting to this feeling with complete effectiveness.
Many of us rely on a few specific responses that we learned as children and continue to use as adults.
These responses can turn into constructive or destructive behavior.
Recognizing what makes us angry can help us find better ways to cope with this emotion.
It’s not whether we get angry,
but what we do with our anger that matters.
Those who have studied anger indicate that more anger is developed in marriage relationships than in any other relationship.
Unresolved anger is the principal cause of violence towards another person.
Successful anger management can mean the difference between marital joy or
The success or failure of a marriage may depend on the way a couple copes with their anger.
Misconceptions of Anger
Many of us hold misconceptions of anger and these misconceptions can lead people to cover up their anger in
According to D. L. Carlson, five misconceptions are:
1) If you don’t look angry on the outside, you don’t have a problem with anger.
2) If you ignore hurt and anger, they will go away.
3) Venting feelings and anger will make them go away.
4) Playing the martyr (being nice all the time) and not
expressing anger will not damage you.
5) Your relationships will suffer if you express any
anger or hurt.
How People Cover Up Anger
If marriage partners have any of these misconceptions,
they may cover up their anger in one or more of the following ways:
• denial (ignoring the evidence)
• peace at any price (i.e., giving in rather than engaging
• grievance collecting (keeping track of everything that
• passive/aggressive behavior (pouting, sarcasm, stubbornness, procrastination, generating guilt)
• bigotry (hating another group of people)
• all is well attitude (overly sweet and nice about what is
Anger Can Be Healthy in a Relationship
David and Vera Mace,
pioneers in the Marriage Enrichment movement,
indicate that anger is healthy and normal and is present at different times in all marital
Couples should give each other the right to
The Maces have outlined a way of coping with feelings of anger that surface in almost every marriage.
The Maces developed an acronym (AREA) to help couples remember a better way of resolving anger:
A is for admitting your anger to your spouse
R is the desire to restrain your anger and not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling
E stands for explaining in a very calm manner why you are angry
A stands for action planning or doing something about the cause of the anger
If anger is handled in this way, using a calm approach to identify the cause of the anger and what can be done about it,
couples usually find that the anger was based on a misunderstanding or misinterpreted words or deeds.
Couples may also find out that one partner was pushed beyond a level of tolerance.
All these things can be resolved if approached calmly
Also read:- www.naijagrows.com/2017/03/make-relationship-charming/